So, you've been HOLDING SPACE... We have been learning how to hold space. According to 'Psychology Today', Holding space is a practice of making space for somebody else's experience and centering them. To hold space, one must be fully present and create a safe environment. Once the circumstances are created, holding space fosters listening and empathizing. But there is a problem with Holding Space. If we have been walking out of a life experience where we DIDN'T hold space... where we did not know how to center the experience of an other, where we were not in safe places, where we did not empathize, then yes, learning how to Hold Space is super important for creating positive social emotional connections... with humans and with horses.
It is possible we start holding too much. We make ourselves into a container. People, and horses, will trauma dump on us. Make us- the Space Holders -responsible for them and their stuff. We carry the baggage of others. We even see someone else training their horse in a manner and way we find troublesome, and then we apologise to the horse we have, for what someone else is doing, and then forge a training approach around our apology for existing. Space Holding can go too far. For some of us, it is second nature to center others. It is second nature to forge safe places by strong boundaries of protection. For some of us, empathy is a language we have lived with always. We do not need further pushing or social conditioning to do more of it. Because those of us for whom Space Holding comes easy, if we focus too much on it, we stop being Space Holders and start being containers for exploitation. No. My dear, sensitive, intelligent, talented, empathic horse people. 2024, is the year we call it back. A client recently described an experience where she let go of a social pressure to Hold Space for others in a way which was detrimental to her and her horse. And instead made a different choice centered not on the needs of them, but on her needs. She said her internal dialogue felt like; "I'll take that back please" We cannot Hold Space for others in a balanced and appropriate way if we have not met our own needs first. Our own needs of four dimensional safety (Physical, mental, emotional and spiritual). You cannot give from an empty cup. So this is the year I an encouraging us all to practice the very important healing phrase of "No." I will take that back now. My sanity. My safety. My authenticity. My talents. My feelings. My ideas. My spaces. I will take those back now. I will not Hold Space for everything, every man and his dog and all activities under the sun. I cannot. We cannot. We are not that powerful. Instead be discerning. Some things we hold space for, some things we do not. And that is ok.
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